Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
