i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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