That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
