Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
