Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize