i can't believe i had my finger in that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
