Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
