JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
