he shaved USA in his pubs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the day after is always just damage control
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
