just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
