Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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