God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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