let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
