she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
