I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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