i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize