i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
