Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
