Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
