so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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