Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
