Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
