Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do herpes really smell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize