did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
