My sheets look like a crime scene.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
