since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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