gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
