I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i now understand why vodka
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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