I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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