I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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