also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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