so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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