when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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