Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
