I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
