It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
