no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
