she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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