This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
