A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
