First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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