I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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