She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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