i think my tv is drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
