im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
