I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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