She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
