New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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