I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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