Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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