we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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