I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
