hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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