i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
