she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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