i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
