Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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