Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
