My hand turned me down
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
