STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize