do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
