Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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