hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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