i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
