i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
