1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
