If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
