Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
