So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
