I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
