I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
