WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They took my balls.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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