she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
