Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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