All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
