I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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