he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
