a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
