I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hippo gnu deer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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