I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
