I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
