WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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