So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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