It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
