After last night, I could never be a politician.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
