I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
