It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
