DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
