What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize