I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
