Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize