Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
