Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
