I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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