so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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