Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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