wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
COCAINE IS GR8
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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