do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
