Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize